Ninja-Poet @ Fanfic

Rufus
Average Cabbage

I tried to be perfect, it just wasn't worth it...

Posts: 72

Ninja-Poet @ Fanfic Apr 18, 2011 19:02:32 GMT

Quote

Post by Rufus on Apr 18, 2011 19:02:32 GMT

www.fanfiction.net/s/6916267/1/Blackened_Sky

Yeah yeah, I've written a story called Blackened Sky before, but this one's different. And on FanFic. So anyway, I've been working on this all today (I know, that long? (sarcasm, by the way)) and I was wondering if you guys would give me some constructive criticism? Because I really need some.

-- Zombie Elmo
P.S. THERE'S BLUE SKITTLES. CELEBRATE.

Proud to be ::
- English
- German
- Greek
- Scottish
- Welsh
- Irish
- Punk
- From the place I am
- Against the authority and moral majority
- Rufus
- The only female Joseph in this family
- like Momus, but more emo, and better.
- the proud writer of this list.

[/i]

Samantha
Administrator

[M:-600]^#Summer_Showcase_2011#Creators_Showcase_2013

Posts: 1,016

Ninja-Poet @ Fanfic Apr 18, 2011 23:04:44 GMT

Quote

Post by Samantha on Apr 18, 2011 23:04:44 GMT

My criticism is your dialogue. A tag needs a comma before it, and if it's a pronoun or not a proper noun, then it should be lower-cased.

For example:

"Mum, it's almost Easter Sunday. Is Caleb coming home? We should all be together at this time," the girl asked...

"I-I-I can't take this... I'll be in my room," Eve stuttered...

Good luck with your story.

Last Edit: Apr 18, 2011 23:05:06 GMT by Samantha

LiveJournal. Tumblr.

DEVOTEDSHEPERD Amicable Acquaintance Who Cares If You Can't Dance (..) Just Get Up And Dance AnyWay Posts: 247	Ninja-Poet @ Fanfic Apr 19, 2011 19:45:06 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by DEVOTEDSHEPERD on Apr 19, 2011 19:45:06 GMT Sorry I would love to read it for you but for some odd reason it's not coming up .
	Just Call Me Ghetto Princess

Post by Rufus on Apr 18, 2011 19:02:32 GMT

Post by Samantha on Apr 18, 2011 23:04:44 GMT

Post by DEVOTEDSHEPERD on Apr 19, 2011 19:45:06 GMT